I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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