Cold hands, warm shart.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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