I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
