I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
