I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
In America we eat man semen.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
