just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
