overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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