I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The Olympian is in my bed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
