i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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