You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
