Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
