I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
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she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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