I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
