she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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