I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
