I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
People in love make me want to vomit
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
