I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
this will be a night to untag.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
