Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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