we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
