Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
