After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
