Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
