She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
wanna go halves on a baby?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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