All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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