Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
