Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
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I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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