He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
