Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
