The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
