Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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