can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
