I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
