Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
