I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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