dude i'm inner monologue high
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
