I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
