took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
