Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
