I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I party with great urgency now.
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