my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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