Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It's Friday. Sex?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
