Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
