thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
