i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
