i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
