party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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