Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
