yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
