girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
