ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
