I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
