you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
