Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
