That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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