I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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