my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
