Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
