You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
