Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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