i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
