I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
