i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
