My first STD was from a foam party
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
