just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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