Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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