We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
