i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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