Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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