I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
