i can't believe i had my finger in that
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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