Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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