Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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