She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
