Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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