I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
