apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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