The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
please don't ironically join a cult
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