Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
