don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
