I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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