You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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