I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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