OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
